Broken from inside after 11 long years of one-sided love and sacrifice, and today I find that he is going out with a colleague from work. He hasn’t ever said he loved me, never initiated physical relationship, never taken me out unless I forced him. We don’t have children because he said he didn’t want any.
Today, don’t know what took me to look at his phone while he was in shower. 100s of lovey dovey messages, number of baby shona voice notes. I locked the phone before he came out and we’re both in office now. But I don’t want to go back tonight. I don’t know how I will face him.
He has never talked to me this way.
I am lost, what should I do?
My blood boils at people who cheat. It makes me angry that we are losing our values and going the western route when it comes to relationships. Our elders never cheated, because they knew that they will be boycotted from the entire society if caught.
These days people are so arrogant even if caught.
Don’t know where we are going as a society.
Though I agree with your sentiments that cheating is not okay, but the example of our elders is not correct. Women silently took physical and mental abuse because of societal pressures. There was no happiness in marriages, only responsibilities.
It is a delicate discussion no doubt. But I stand by my views. Our previous generations had values, which are completely absent in today’s generation. If we don’t condone such a person, they will keep on doing it, and this will encourage others to do so also.
I think we are discussing on two whole different levels.
I’m really sorry to hear about the pain and betrayal you’re experiencing. Discovering such information can be incredibly difficult and heartbreaking. May I share the things that helped me through a sort of similar experience
1. Allow yourself to process your emotions. I remember going through shock, anger, sadness, and confusion, without any reason! Give yourself the space and time to process these feelings.
2. Seek professional emotional help if needed. I cannot stress this enough. If you have a physical pain, you don’t hesitate to go to a doctor, then why this sigma against therapists?
3. Consider legal advice – In case you want to consider separation, I’d seriously suggest consulting with a lawyer immediately, who specializes in family law and can provide you with advice regarding your legal rights and options, so that you are not left empty handed later.
Ultimately, the decision about how to proceed is yours to make, but you need to first understand your own emotions before taking any action..
My heart goes out to you Dear.
Just ask yourself one thing, was this a shock? from your message it seems that the affair has been going on since quite long. So, did you not see any signs at all in all this time? Or maybe you did see, but your mind choose to ignore the signs?
My personal experience has been that women tend to sub-consciously ignore the signs of cheating. And this is because they have accepted that their relationship is already on rocks, and they just want the man to go on without disrupting their current routine.
I feel that talking to a professional will definitely help you understand your own emotions, and help you come to a decision.
You can connect with me anytime dear, will dm you my number.
I have been through same thing 5 years before. If you don’t talk immediately, then you are going to forgive him. Please talk to him right now, when the anger is alive, else you will end up becoming a doormat.