In the earlier chapters of your book, it seems that you were attracted towards women, rather infatuated with them. Was this because your mind was subconsciously implementing social culture?
There could be various reasons
1) I believe sexuality is fluid and sometime the gender does not matter … one just feels attracted to a person.
2) I was not really aware want being gay meant . I thought that boys are a lil physical amongst themselves as a part of growing up and it was “normal” to be romantic about woman …. I had no reference points
So yes I was following, what one is expected to do culturally . And then I discovered what was not spoken about so widely and identified myself as queer